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I think you'll be fine in a 40i hauling the family around town, but as everyone has mentioned, test drive it under different conditions. I've driven one many times and find the performance quite surprising for such a large car. The acceleration is very civilized and high speeds creep up on you quickly. BMW did an excellent job finding that sweet spot.
I've got an M50i and love the duality in its personality. It's very civilized around town and on the highway but an absolute beast when you give it a little nudge in any driving modes. Downside is that my driving style yields me dismal MPG with the V8TT.
If you're a spirited driver and want the most performance, you might be disappointed with the 40i. Drive them both. Good luck!
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