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Originally Posted by Chihuahua
Do you mind expounding on this? If you don't, no sweat. I'm in a situation that may be similar and could use some insight.
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We got back in touch 5 years ago, about 12 years after splitting up and having had no contact in the interim. Out of the blue, she wrote me a long and heartfelt email, apologizing for her share of the shit we put each other through.
She told how she had sought professional help soon after we split, which is what I should have done. The email detailed some of the challenges she'd been diagnosed with by her therapists - OCD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and Generalize Anxiety Disorder.
That's some major stuff that's going to get in the way of any relationship. It took some major guts and integrity and compassion to send me that email. We've been great friends ever since.
I reciprocated and fessed up to my share of our shit-show. I was a full-blown functional alcoholic at the time. I worked 50 hours a week at a pressure-cooker job, carried 8 - 12 credits of undergraduate math and Computer Science classes, smoked 2 packs of Marlboros a day and drank like my guts were on fire. I put our marriage last, after everything.
She went on to a second marriage and 3 cute kids and a very successful career in a big company. I consider her friendship to be one of the great gifts of my life, regardless of our incompatibility as a couple.