I do all of my own detailing but use the self serve wash in winter. I haven't really been able to figure out a way to use my own soap etc. but personally I don't really worry about it too much. A good sealant or nano-coating in the fall seems to protect the paint fairly well.
In my experience I would only use the waterless wash product after I had actually washed/rinsed the car at the self serve car wash. The product I used (Poorboys, I think) was kind of a like a thicker exterior detailing spray.
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