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      01-22-2020, 03:03 PM   #5083
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Originally Posted by pennsiveguy View Post
I hate working out too. I was a gym rat in high school, and I've lifted all the barbells and dumbbells I'm ever going to lift. I have to have something fun to do. Or a chore that needs doing. Or a project I've been wanting to start. Find something that's fun or needs doing.

One of the reasons I own my cabin is that there's a fair bit of wooded land and some shoreline there, and I can't stand for things to be messy so I always have work to do. I don't keep every square inch looking like a golf course, but I like it clean at least adjacent to the parts I/we spend time in. Last Saturday I tied a plastic toboggan up to my fatbike and loaded it up with a chainsaw, a gas can, a maul, and a couple of wedges. Pedalled out into the woods to a spot where there was a tree that was dead and leaning against another. Felled it and bucked it, and piled the brush up and called it a day. Got up Sunday and pulled all the chunks back to the splitting shed, one toboggan load at a time - about 2 cords total, so it took me most of the day. This weekend I'll split it all. Silly? Yup. But very rewarding and great all-body exercise. And I didn't have to mingle with a bunch of hairy sweaty douche-nozzles at some poser emporium.
That's why I go to the gym around 3:30am. I don't like the other people there so I get the whole place to myself with no one to bug me.

Hell.....what you did above is plenty of exercise. My BIL owns a stone and rock business, and he's also the person to call if someone needs a tree down as my in-laws all heat with wood.

I've gone on weekends to help him in various jobs as he can't seem to keep good help. That type of work will weed out the men from the boys.....and sadly no one wants to work.

My 71 year old father in law still works fulltime with him, and works circles around most young people my BIL tries to hire.
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      01-22-2020, 03:11 PM   #5084
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I don't need to lose weight...I just need to get fitter and stronger. Thing is though, the dry spell(s) started way before I was out of shape. I was riding 30 miles a day back then, 5 days a week. And to be honest, that was before we had a kid too. But yeah, it'd never hurt for me to be fitter, and actually I really enjoy going for a run or a ride, once I'm doing it. Some motivation missing though - I'm tired from work and toddler and house projects too.

I have talked to her about it, and the best explanation she's given is that I feel like her family, so therefore she doesn't want to have sex with me. Now I understand that link but...what can I do about that? Be less like her family??

Since having the kid too, she's even less inclined. Almost certainly tiredness, which is understandable. But she says its just made her not want it at all.

So where to go from here? It drives me crazy not getting any, especially because she's right there. I've absolutely no desire to 'force' her to do it, or demand it...but then I will certainly get none. It's a catch 22.

That really sucks man. Does she admit it's a problem on her end? Maybe it's time for counseling, or even a health checkup of her hormone levels.

I mean I know about Postpartum depression, but I can't see it lasting as long as you guys are experiencing.
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      01-22-2020, 03:40 PM   #5085
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Originally Posted by Tambohamilton View Post
I don't need to lose weight...I just need to get fitter and stronger. Thing is though, the dry spell(s) started way before I was out of shape. I was riding 30 miles a day back then, 5 days a week. And to be honest, that was before we had a kid too. But yeah, it'd never hurt for me to be fitter, and actually I really enjoy going for a run or a ride, once I'm doing it. Some motivation missing though - I'm tired from work and toddler and house projects too.

I have talked to her about it, and the best explanation she's given is that I feel like her family, so therefore she doesn't want to have sex with me. Now I understand that link but...what can I do about that? Be less like her family??

Since having the kid too, she's even less inclined. Almost certainly tiredness, which is understandable. But she says its just made her not want it at all.

So where to go from here? It drives me crazy not getting any, especially because she's right there. I've absolutely no desire to 'force' her to do it, or demand it...but then I will certainly get none. It's a catch 22.
Yeah, no, there's something off then if she actually just said the above. When you've told her how important it is to you, what does she say? I think it might be time for some counselling, because I think it would be hard for a sexless marriage to last to be honest...at least in the case where one party wants sex.
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      01-22-2020, 04:04 PM   #5086
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Originally Posted by Tambohamilton View Post
I don't need to lose weight...I just need to get fitter and stronger. Thing is though, the dry spell(s) started way before I was out of shape. I was riding 30 miles a day back then, 5 days a week. And to be honest, that was before we had a kid too. But yeah, it'd never hurt for me to be fitter, and actually I really enjoy going for a run or a ride, once I'm doing it. Some motivation missing though - I'm tired from work and toddler and house projects too.

I have talked to her about it, and the best explanation she's given is that I feel like her family, so therefore she doesn't want to have sex with me. Now I understand that link but...what can I do about that? Be less like her family??

Since having the kid too, she's even less inclined. Almost certainly tiredness, which is understandable. But she says its just made her not want it at all.

So where to go from here? It drives me crazy not getting any, especially because she's right there. I've absolutely no desire to 'force' her to do it, or demand it...but then I will certainly get none. It's a catch 22.
Spontaneously take it. I'm no stranger to the ladies and their mysterious inner-workings. I've been told by multiple women that ALL women secretly want to be taken and F'd like a cheap prostitute. Give her a reason to want it. There's a difference between asking for it, being given permission to have it and just straight up taking it. I once fell into the category of wanting it and asking for it, only to be told no. Then I took the initiative and just took it when I wanted it, the entire dynamic changed after that. I'm not talking about kissing and warming her up, there is a place for that and it isn't here. I'm talking about about walking up behind her, grabbing a handful of hair, pulling her head to one side, kiss her neck, then run your hands all over her body and not in a seductive way, but in a "this is mine and get ready" type approach. Don't tell her, show her that you have needs. Her opinion will change quickly.
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      01-22-2020, 04:23 PM   #5087
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That's why I go to the gym around 3:30am. I don't like the other people there so I get the whole place to myself with no one to bug me.

Hell.....what you did above is plenty of exercise. My BIL owns a stone and rock business, and he's also the person to call if someone needs a tree down as my in-laws all heat with wood.

I've gone on weekends to help him in various jobs as he can't seem to keep good help. That type of work will weed out the men from the boys.....and sadly no one wants to work.

My 71 year old father in law still works fulltime with him, and works circles around most young people my BIL tries to hire.
I worked in lumber yards starting at age 22. My first job was delivering shingles. The truck had a gas-powered conveyor on it to take them up to the roof; this was when nobody used boom trucks for such things. The bundles weighed anywhere from 70-90 pounds apiece, and every one of them had to be picked up off the pallet and walked to the back of the truck and put on the tail of the conveyor, which was about chin-high for me. On a typical day, I'd deliver 250 to 400 bundles. If you figure 300 bundles at 80 pounds, that's 24,000 pounds. Almost 5 times the weight of my F15. I lifted about 100,000 pounds a week. All year-round, from -25 to 110 degrees. I did that for a year and a half, before getting promoted to another truck. Not a gig for the faint-hearted. Makes everything else I've ever had to do seem easy...or possible, at the very least.
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      01-22-2020, 06:12 PM   #5088
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That really sucks man. Does she admit it's a problem on her end? Maybe it's time for counseling, or even a health checkup of her hormone levels.

I mean I know about Postpartum depression, but I can't see it lasting as long as you guys are experiencing.
Yeah, she does. She agrees that my needs/wants are legitimate, and says she's sorry it is how it is with her...but we get no closer to any progress.

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Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
Yeah, no, there's something off then if she actually just said the above. When you've told her how important it is to you, what does she say? I think it might be time for some counselling, because I think it would be hard for a sexless marriage to last to be honest...at least in the case where one party wants sex.
Yep, fully agree on that last part. I've told her that too, and she doesn't argue with the reasoning....though she says she definitely does want us to stay together (as do I). Completely agree that counselling is the next step - I'm working on that, slowly. She's agreed to go, if I organise it.

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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
Spontaneously take it. I'm no stranger to the ladies and their mysterious inner-workings. I've been told by multiple women that ALL women secretly want to be taken and F'd like a cheap prostitute. Give her a reason to want it. There's a difference between asking for it, being given permission to have it and just straight up taking it. I once fell into the category of wanting it and asking for it, only to be told no. Then I took the initiative and just took it when I wanted it, the entire dynamic changed after that. I'm not talking about kissing and warming her up, there is a place for that and it isn't here. I'm talking about about walking up behind her, grabbing a handful of hair, pulling her head to one side, kiss her neck, then run your hands all over her body and not in a seductive way, but in a "this is mine and get ready" type approach. Don't tell her, show her that you have needs. Her opinion will change quickly.
I like this solution! But I can't see me pulling that out of the bag. It's just never been my way, and I think that's a reason she chose me. I take your point that maybe that's all the more reason for doing it, but...we'll see. Never say never, I guess!

Thanks for the input, guys.
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      01-23-2020, 12:49 PM   #5089
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Originally Posted by Tambohamilton View Post
Yeah, she does. She agrees that my needs/wants are legitimate, and says she's sorry it is how it is with her...but we get no closer to any progress.



Yep, fully agree on that last part. I've told her that too, and she doesn't argue with the reasoning....though she says she definitely does want us to stay together (as do I). Completely agree that counselling is the next step - I'm working on that, slowly. She's agreed to go, if I organise it.



I like this solution! But I can't see me pulling that out of the bag. It's just never been my way, and I think that's a reason she chose me. I take your point that maybe that's all the more reason for doing it, but...we'll see. Never say never, I guess!

Thanks for the input, guys.
I had a dry spell with the ex. It turns out she was getting it from somewhere else.
I'm not saying that's your case, but I would pay attention to things that don't seem "right."

Funny story, same ex is pissed because I moved on after the divorce. Women, go figure.
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      01-23-2020, 01:27 PM   #5090
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Nothing out of line here. I really don't suspect anything, and my paranoia has led me to ponder that possibility more than I probably should. She was cheated on in a previous relationship, so she's fiercely against it. I'm confident she'd split up with me before she cheated...or immediately after.

Haha, that's a typical move. Her mistake though, not your fault she now has to deal with the consequences of her own actions.
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      01-23-2020, 01:48 PM   #5091
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Nothing out of line here. I really don't suspect anything, and my paranoia has led me to ponder that possibility more than I probably should. She was cheated on in a previous relationship, so she's fiercely against it. I'm confident she'd split up with me before she cheated...or immediately after.

Haha, that's a typical move. Her mistake though, not your fault she now has to deal with the consequences of her own actions.
I wish you the best. Take care and keep us updated.
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      01-23-2020, 03:33 PM   #5092
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Nothing out of line here. I really don't suspect anything,
neither did I until I found the 5000 text messages, it will literally take you 90 seconds to check...
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      01-23-2020, 04:24 PM   #5093
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neither did I until I found the 5000 text messages, it will literally take you 90 seconds to check...
I'm in this club as well. Upon reading said messages, I discovered that he left 15 minutes before I showed up. That was not a good day for anyone involved.
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      01-23-2020, 04:31 PM   #5094
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If the opportunity arises, maybe I will. I'll be stunned (to put it mildly) if she is, but I guess there's no harm in looking...unless I get caught.

Edit:
Actually, switching my brain on properly... It's nigh on logistically impossible. She's a stay at home mum, and cares for our son full time. He'd tell me if there were any visitors, or if they'd been anywhere. (His speech is crazy good for a 2 year old...proud dad)
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      01-23-2020, 04:41 PM   #5095
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Originally Posted by Tambohamilton View Post
If the opportunity arises, maybe I will. I'll be stunned (to put it mildly) if she is, but I guess there's no harm in looking...unless I get caught.

Edit:
Actually, switching my brain on properly... It's nigh on logistically impossible. She's a stay at home mum, and cares for our son full time. He'd tell me if there were any visitors, or if they'd been anywhere. (His speech is crazy good for a 2 year old...proud dad)
Mine left my daughter with the neighbor or home alone. I came home early one day and found her alone in the house.

Again, I hope it's not the case with you. It was an awful experience.
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      01-24-2020, 08:15 AM   #5096
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What's with the idiots that will not exchange numbers before meeting?
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      01-24-2020, 08:24 AM   #5097
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What's with the idiots that will not exchange numbers before meeting?
STRANGER DANGER!!!

I'm pondering re-entering the online dating fracas. Not looking forward to all the silliness and fuckery. There are a lot of fucked-up people out there.
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      01-24-2020, 09:12 AM   #5098
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Originally Posted by pennsiveguy View Post
STRANGER DANGER!!!

I'm pondering re-entering the online dating fracas. Not looking forward to all the silliness and fuckery. There are a lot of fucked-up people out there.
Dating as a whole is a shit show right now. Online dating just makes it look extra bad b/c we have access to so many people at once.
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      01-24-2020, 09:15 AM   #5099
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What's with the idiots that will not exchange numbers before meeting?
Similar to the idiots who want to chat for a month on the app before texting, or those who can't have a conversation to save their life. I usually just un-match or delete them. You either want to chat over coffee in a public place or you don't, pretty simple.
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      01-24-2020, 09:25 AM   #5100
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Originally Posted by CTinline-six View Post
Similar to the idiots who want to chat for a month on the app before texting, or those who can't have a conversation to save their life. I usually just un-match or delete them. You either want to chat over coffee in a public place or you don't, pretty simple.
I do the same with deleting them
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      01-24-2020, 09:39 AM   #5101
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Similar to the idiots who want to chat for a month on the app before texting, or those who can't have a conversation to save their life. I usually just un-match or delete them. You either want to chat over coffee in a public place or you don't, pretty simple.
In my previous cycles of online dating, I've tried to meet face-to-face ASAP. I'm looking for dates, not texting partners.

It's my distinct impression that many of the women on the dating sites aren't really interested in a relationship or even a date. They're looking for some male attention, some flattery. The minute you ask them to meet up, they run like scalded dogs.
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      01-24-2020, 10:29 AM   #5102
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I guess it was different when I was single about 10-12 years ago. The online scene was big, but I didn't prefer using any of the apps.

I just physically went out to the local nightspots when I felt like it...never had any trouble hooking up if I was looking...and a lot of times when I wasn't looking.
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      01-24-2020, 10:57 AM   #5103
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In my previous cycles of online dating, I've tried to meet face-to-face ASAP. I'm looking for dates, not texting partners.

It's my distinct impression that many of the women on the dating sites aren't really interested in a relationship or even a date. They're looking for some male attention, some flattery. The minute you ask them to meet up, they run like scalded dogs.
I'm convinced most women on dating sites are just looking for validation, and nothing more. The ones who are actually looking for something of substance avoid dating sites.
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      01-24-2020, 11:31 AM   #5104
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I have mentioned it before, but my brother met his wife on E-Harmony.

I think the reason it worked for him is that he said it takes almost an hour to sign up and answer all the personality questions.

Most people are not going to spend that amount of time setting up a profile unless they are serious about trying to find something long-term.

But they have been married for about 5 years now....she seems pretty cool and they get along great from what I see and hear.
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