[RustyBitz]

Morning guys,

This week has been a week of nightmares (attempted burglary, family passing and the dog on deaths door on top of work and health concerns) For the first time I had to take time away from work as I need some time to look after me and my partner (she hasn't been doing well since the break in attempt).

Work have been fantastic couldn't ask for a more understanding manager. Now I feel exhausted and guilty for taking time out at a critical time in work.

[Paddy1975]

RustyBitz Never feel guilty, we are unprecedented times, no one has ever faced a pandemic like this in decades. Add this to what would also be a life affirming / changing event and its mind blowing, think everyone has faced some kind of challenge to both our minds and lifestyles.

Do what you need to do to look after YOU & your loved ones, remember that every one you know will have faced some event during this Sh1t storm and everyone is doing what they need to get through it.

Sorry to hear about your attempted break in , they are never nice had this ourselves several years ago and even now we check and double check everything. Do all you can to keep safe and stay safe.

[R0B]

Get plenty of fresh air and make plans for the future - always good to have things in the diary no matter how far away. Fingers crossed you both pop up the other side asap.

My daughter struggled with her first week back in a new year at school this week, and talking to her about it was as good for me as it was for her.

Do we all love each other in this family? Yes
Do we have a nice home to live in? Yes
Do we have food in the fridge and a big TV? Yes
Does anything else really matter? No, not really.

The good times will roll again. Keep breathing.

[Armaan]

Really sorry to hear about this RustyBitz, the most important thing in life is the safety of our families and good health.

A great understanding from work shows that they care and although you might feel guilty, they know you'll repay that back and some when you go back. Work will still be there, take time for you.

Focus on the small things....a planned daily walk, a dinner out or just time relaxing and doing a hobby. I don't think its been easy for anyone and we all deal with things our own way.

Value the time, relax, unwind and come back stronger mate.

Armaan

[Ronstein]

Agree with all the comments, and remember, if you don't look after yourself, you won't be able to look after anybody else!!

[Eddamoo]

Really sorry to hear about your run of bad luck dude. As R0B said, make sure you have something positive planned in the diary - essential for times like this.

One thing i've learnt recently is that no matter how incredibly busy you or your team are at work, the whole system doesn't break when you or someone else goes on leave - just like going on holiday, everything is still there when you get back. Its amazing how fast and effectively people fill acute gaps.

A good manager will realise your mental well-being comes above all and is paramount for effective work, which it sounds like you have. Giving you that time to reflect is an investment. Just stay engaged with them with regular updates and all will be ok.

Keep talking to people. Listen to each other.

[225]

Eesh sorry to hear that mate.
As others have said look after yourself so you can look after others. Think of the flight information info we get before take off, mask on your self before helping others or you won't be able to help anyone!

Yes I understand you thinking time off is bad but sounds like you work for a decent person who values you being fit and well at work more than a bit off time of in the short term. As they should.

[TouringPleb]

Does your work offer any support for mental health? Any employee welfare programs? Covered by any private health insurance?

I had four months off earlier this year with PTSD. 12 years of frontline response policing including being first on scene last year for a horrendous fatal RTC and a couple of suicides I hadn't dealt very well mentally, with finally broke me.

I was lucky in that I was covered under Mr TP's BUPA which enabled me to get some counselling. Because it was private as soon as they got a letter from the doctor they could authorise it and within 2 weeks of first calling them I was having counselling.

All that you've gone/are going through are traumatic events. Someone trying to break into your house, a family member passing and now your dog ill (which to me is another family member) all the while trying to support your wife, it's no wonder something had to give.

And I know it's easier to say than do as I felt the same, but try not to feel guilty about work. Believe it or not, they will survive without you! Concentrate on your wife and yourself. Get yourself better then worry about work. And don't do what I've done before and go back before you are really well enough because it will just come back and bite you on the arse even harder.

You've taken the biggest and hardest step, admitting things aren't good and you need help.

I wish you all the best.

TP.

[TodmordenLad]

Very sorry to hear your news. Don't worry about work, the very fact that they're being supportive means you don't have to. Focus on yourself and your nearest. Wishing you all the best.

PS Always a good idea to see a GP in my experience. Sometimes some mild medication can help in getting through a bad patch when you're very tired and overly anxious.

[RustyBitz]

Thanks everyone, really appreciate your comments.

Spoke to the Drs earlier in the year (just before lockdown) but the support services stopped just as lockdown kicked in.

Will chase the Drs again today.

[Goneinsixtyseconds]

Originally Posted by RustyBitz

Thanks everyone, really appreciate your comments.

Spoke to the Drs earlier in the year (just before lockdown) but the support services stopped just as lockdown kicked in.

Will chase the Drs again today.

All the support services are back up and running, my wife has been doing new assessments referred from GP’s for quite a while now.

Good luck..

[Wills2]

Originally Posted by RustyBitz

Morning guys,

This week has been a week of nightmares (attempted burglary, family passing and the dog on deaths door on top of work and health concerns) For the first time I had to take time away from work as I need some time to look after me and my partner (she hasn't been doing well since the break in attempt).

Work have been fantastic couldn't ask for a more understanding manager. Now I feel exhausted and guilty for taking time out at a critical time in work.

Don't feel guilty Rusty, you have to look after yourself first and foremost.

If you haven't already I'd go get some counselling they really help and you'd be amazed how many people go no matter how successful/strong they seem, it's not a weakness to ask for/need some help.

Good luck with everything.

[R0B]

Originally Posted by Wills2

Don't feel guilty Rusty, you have to look after yourself first and foremost.

If you haven't already I'd go get some counselling they really help and you'd be amazed how many people go no matter how successful/strong they seem, it's not a weakness to ask for/need some help.

Good luck with everything.

Too true.

I have a client / friend who is a business coach. I've known her for twenty years but had never officially used her.

About two years ago I called her and it went like this:

"Amanda, I think my head's a bit fucked."
"That's great news!"
"How is that great?"
"Because we're all fucked-up somehow, but the ones who don't realise it are the ones who are really in trouble. You've realised it - that's brilliant."

And that was that. Felt instantly about 99% better for someone telling me it was normal to hit the wall.

[Soul_Glo]

Random shot gun...

1. Mindfulness (Headspace app)
2. Finding a new hobby
3. Making life comfortable for the dog
4. Diet. Eating right. A lot of research now says gut health is important because when it's imbalanced it can make us more susceptible to depression.
5. Beef up security around the home. Monitored alarm? BT red care? Nest cameras? Rock door? Any weak spots or security blind spots need to be dealt with. If it's that bad the move home if you need to feel safer. It might help. Especially if the area is going down hill or there are more break ins happening around you.
6. Work can be a good thing when you can get your head in it. A bit of an escape but being too busy is not good either.
7. Go on a couples retreat. It's important to do something together. Even if it's a weekend away.
8. Consider medication if you are open to the idea.
9. Focus on the things you can control. Not on the things out of your control. Let go of anything you can't change. The things you can change. Make a plan to take them but one by one.
10. Physical exercise. Gym lifts mood. Running. Jogging. Country walks.
11. Journaling. Write it down. Get it out of your head.
12. Voluntary work. Giving can make us feel good too.
13. Read Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chicken-Sou.../dp/1623611016


Bottom line. Don't take life too seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.

[Soul_Glo]

Originally Posted by RustyBitz

Thanks everyone, really appreciate your comments.

Spoke to the Drs earlier in the year (just before lockdown) but the support services stopped just as lockdown kicked in.

Will chase the Drs again today.

Most of them are back on but using zoom / skype. What area do you live in? There may be more than one service by you.

[TouringPleb]

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

Random shot gun...

1. Mindfulness (Headspace app)
2. Finding a new hobby
3. Making life comfortable for the dog
4. Diet. Eating right. A lot of research now says gut health is important because when it's imbalanced it can make us more susceptible to depression.
5. Beef up security around the home. Monitored alarm? BT red care? Nest cameras? Rock door? Any weak spots or security blind spots need to be dealt with. If it's that bad the move home if you need to feel safer. It might help. Especially if the area is going down hill or there are more break ins happening around you.
6. Work can be a good thing when you can get your head in it. A bit of an escape but being too busy is not good either.
7. Go on a couples retreat. It's important to do something together. Even if it's a weekend away.
8. Consider medication if you are open to the idea.
9. Focus on the things you can control. Not on the things out of your control. Let go of anything you can't change. The things you can change. Make a plan to take them but one by one.
10. Physical exercise. Gym lifts mood. Running. Jogging. Country walks.
11. Journaling. Write it down. Get it out of your head.
12. Arrange another car meet.
13. Voluntary work. Giving can make us feel good too.

Bottom line. Don't take life too seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.

Definitely agree on the exercise. Unfortunately for me the gyms closed because of COVID when I was rock bottom with PTSD but managed to get myself a new bike and was getting out for a couple of hours every couple of days.

Even before that, having a regular gym routine helps me. Gives me a couple of hours a day completely to me and I switch off from everything else.

Walking my dogs around the fields really helped. One time walking them I broke down in tears which alarmed them as well as me. Apparently walking around trees is meant to be good for you, the green is meant to be very relaxing.

Also agree with journaling. I bought myself this https://www.mindjournals.com/ which helps as an introduction to journaling. Writing down my thoughts/fears/feelings really helps.

[Lincoln61]

Originally Posted by R0B

Too true.

I have a client / friend who is a business coach. I've known her for twenty years but had never officially used her.

About two years ago I called her and it went like this:

"Amanda, I think my head's a bit fucked."
"That's great news!"
"How is that great?"
"Because we're all fucked-up somehow, but the ones who don't realise it are the ones who are really in trouble. You've realised it - that's brilliant."

And that was that. Felt instantly about 99% better for someone telling me it was normal to hit the wall.

That is perfect! we hold ourselves to unrealistic standards most of the time. I have had periods of total breakdown. We need to admit sometimes we are fucked up, and its ok!

[M2Andy]

I bloody love this forum (sometimes!)

[Skwirrel]

Some good advice and sentiment here already. A few things I have learnt that were useful to get and keep my mental balance right.

- Work is part of your life, it is not your life. It doesn't define who you are. Please do not feel guilty about letting them down.
- Do not ever blame or hold yourself responsible for your current environment or situation.
- Give yourself time to reflect and recover, emotional burnout is a result of cumulative situations and a gradual build up of events. It's like putting a extra bag every week on the back of a pack horse, it gets slower and slower and eventually grinds to a halt.
- Talk. However hard it is you will feel better afterwards. Choose your confidants wisely, close friends and family who want the best for you and believe in you when you dont believe in yourself. There is no downside to talking, you will be surprised how others open up and react positively to your situation.
- Perspective, this is a short period of difficulty within your whole life.
- Ask for help
- Accept help
- Be patient with yourself, if you had a broken leg you would not expect to be walking next week
- Be kind to yourself and those close to you
- Retain a sense of humour as much as possible, laughter is good for healing the mind.

[rokut]

Ah man, sorry to hear you’re going through it right now. Life can really suck at times, but what I’m finding is that it certainly helps you appreciate the better times when they come around again - and know that they will.
However dark and shitty it feels it will certainly feel better again soon. The only problem is when your mind gets overactive thinking through it all it can seem like every second lasts a minute, but the advice above is excellent and I totally agree with much of it.

This forum is fucking epic at times! A core of really good people ready to support. Awesome.

All the best Rusty, and if you want a mutual shoulder to cry on then just drop me a message. I promise it won’t become a pity party

[Rbrown]

I'm man enough to admit I have had some dark times through all this.

This forum has helped and it's good to see so many people being honest about how they feel.

Some good tips already on this thread and I'm sure more will follow.

Good mental health to you all.

[Soul_Glo]

Some general tips from Common:


https://www.menshealth.com/trending-...lth-interview/