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      08-03-2015, 11:06 PM   #1
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excuse me- I'm sorry to bother you.

Do excuse me for my intrusion to your wonderful country. I am sorry to report that my navigator knows where your country is, and I'm afraid I'll be leaving there on Friday. My first victim is Vancouver, but after that I will travel according your speed limits towards east as slowly as your authorities have seen fit.

I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but does anyone have any tips on where to go/ what to see? I'm sure your fabulous cities are a sight most people would love but I am going to travel by speed limit and I have a tight schedule. So, if you kind chaps could post up your tips, it would be very much appreciated.

Also, are postal workers there as scary as they are here? I need to send a shift knob cover and a hat after crossing the border and I don't feel like filling the tax papers again for a worthless piece of waste of time.

Do please help me, and I am very sorry to bother you all.

Enjoy your ice hockey off season. Maybe your boys will be able to skate while eating moose meat.
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How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?

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      08-03-2015, 11:18 PM   #2
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Please go here... and send me a picture.



EDIT: Better yet... bottle that shit so I can bathe in it and get younger.
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      08-03-2015, 11:20 PM   #3
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Please go here... and send me a picture.

Extremely helpful fucker. Now go away, I'm trying to convince these guys I can speak Canada. It is apparently like English but no cuss words.

Edit damn it. I have to see that.
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How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
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      08-04-2015, 07:17 AM   #4
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depends how far you want to go and how much time you have - whistler is only 1.5 hours drive while lake louise/banff is 9 hours

welcome to Canada - i'm out east in Toronto but I'm sure the boys from Lotusland will be able to help
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      08-04-2015, 08:17 AM   #5
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Extremely helpful fucker. Now go away, I'm trying to convince these guys I can speak Canada. It is apparently like English but no cuss words.

Edit damn it. I have to see that.
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      08-04-2015, 09:38 AM   #6
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depends how far you want to go and how much time you have - whistler is only 1.5 hours drive while lake louise/banff is 9 hours

welcome to Canada - i'm out east in Toronto but I'm sure the boys from Lotusland will be able to help
Good morning!

I've spent most of my evening studying politeness, and it appears those words are used in your language.

I'm driving through the whole country. Probably twice. I have to be in NJ on the 15th, and then I'll be coming to feed your polar bears again.

I checked out whistler but it appears to be quite touristy. My goal is to stay away from spots that have made their way to American knowledge base.

I want the good roads. Besides petrol stations and bears, and a handsome moose riding mountie to pull me over (I've studied, I don't get where the lights signaling to pull over goes in a moose) but who'll let me go and I get the photo, I have zero plans.

My language barrier will be an issue too. I speak fluent English, which provides me the capability to speak America (don't use long words, replace all words with you know like), but Canada apparently has a lot of stuff this hockey fan never knew about.

So, all tips needed. I promise not to speak to anyone who has not been properly warned about me.
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How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
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      08-04-2015, 09:41 AM   #7
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You know I'm right. A bloke from London ruined my English. I'm sure there was a time when I didn't use at least one shit or a fuck per sentence. Since Americans don't do either even in speech, I must thank you boys of the queen for making me stand out here a little.
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How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
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      08-04-2015, 12:18 PM   #8
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I would suggest day trip to Whistler as well, you are right, it is a tourist destination all year around, but the Sea-to-Sky highway trip is worth it. I suggest to get a good radar detector for this, as you will not be able to follow the legal speed limit (I noted your good intention to ). At Whistler you can either just look around the town, or take a gondola to the peak and have a short hike. Again, it can be done in one day.
Hard to suggest anything in the city, if you dislike tourist places. Stanley Park is given, you can even drive through it, if desired.
You can visit BMW Car Club of BC to ask local BMW drivers for suggestions.
Another option is to take ferry and swing to Vancouver Island / Victoria.
On the way across the Province, you can make a stop in Penticton in the Okanagan Valley, if you are into wine, visit some local vineries for a tour.
From there, aim for Banff in Alberta and drive to Calgary from there.
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      08-04-2015, 12:23 PM   #9
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Welcome to the land of igloos and Eskimos. You are pretty witty so I think our friendly Canadian Mounties may let you in.

Just got back from Vancouver. If you like sushi...you should definitely try Miku - great views and great food. Not sure what else those Vancouverites do with their time.

What dates are in you in Toronto? There might be some meetups for you to attend! Importfest is August 22 downtown. Other than that...we usually eat and drink in Toronto. Mostly liquid diets of varying sorts.
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      08-04-2015, 12:26 PM   #10
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Probably should add Niagara Falls on your list if you like seeing large bodies of water falling. Touristy but probably worth seeing.
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      08-04-2015, 12:39 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Treeboy View Post
I would suggest day trip to Whistler as well, you are right, it is a tourist destination all year around, but the Sea-to-Sky highway trip is worth it. I suggest to get a good radar detector for this, as you will not be able to follow the legal speed limit (I noted your good intention to ). At Whistler you can either just look around the town, or take a gondola to the peak and have a short hike. Again, it can be done in one day.
Hard to suggest anything in the city, if you dislike tourist places. Stanley Park is given, you can even drive through it, if desired.
You can visit BMW Car Club of BC to ask local BMW drivers for suggestions.
Another option is to take ferry and swing to Vancouver Island / Victoria.
On the way across the Province, you can make a stop in Penticton in the Okanagan Valley, if you are into wine, visit some local vineries for a tour.
From there, aim for Banff in Alberta and drive to Calgary from there.

I live in Seattle, so wistler can be visited any given day. I'm going to head away from WA plates as soon as I can.

Hmm. Wine. You clearly have my traveling routines down. I shall be adding your suggestions to my list. Any roads you can recommend, or is Canada like Finland and it'll be good no matter where you go?

With touristy stuff I mean museums, parks built to impress some culture critic who has a stick in their bum, anything space needle sort of things and Canadian bacon, which we all know is a reason most of the world hate you guys. All those fill my real life so I refuse to let them ruin my holiday.

I've got rd, and I have a great routine with cops. If I didn't, I would be missing both of my licenses by now.
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You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
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How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
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      08-04-2015, 12:45 PM   #12
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Welcome to the land of igloos and Eskimos. You are pretty witty so I think our friendly Canadian Mounties may let you in.

Just got back from Vancouver. If you like sushi...you should definitely try Miku - great views and great food. Not sure what else those Vancouverites do with their time.

What dates are in you in Toronto? There might be some meetups for you to attend! Importfest is August 22 downtown. Other than that...we usually eat and drink in Toronto. Mostly liquid diets of varying sorts.
It says toronto is 3316km away, so I'll be totally screwed or eaten by a bear if not there by Wednesday.

Sorry (shit in English), I have gotta open a map today.

The falls went to the list. A great suggestion and thank you. If I get bored, I can just kick honeymooners in to the water.

Edit. It turns out I had the app on walking settings. Sure, the straightest route is 3316 km, but we are talking about a real life five. This will be interesting, and well, interesting. Better make the firt parts fast.
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You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
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How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?

Last edited by Lups; 08-04-2015 at 01:03 PM..
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      08-04-2015, 01:54 PM   #13
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Lots of rocks to be had!







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      08-04-2015, 02:11 PM   #14
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Lots of rocks to be had!







I've got a garage full of rocks for you already. Go away! I'm trying to act civil so I get good pointers.

Lol, I actually for the first time just now checked how long this trip will be. Sml (fml but in Canadian language) I really better push through the first three days.

Planning going well.

Oh well. How badly can it go?
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      08-04-2015, 02:30 PM   #15
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Glad to have you visit as we need the hard currency. Not sure though why you want to drive cross-country through Canada if you are on a tight schedule. Faster to hop on I-90 from Seattle and head east through the U.S.A. plus your radar detector is legal in 49 states.

Postal workers in Canada similar to USPS ones, if you can actually find a post office.
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      08-04-2015, 02:34 PM   #16
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I've got a garage full of rocks for you already. Go away! I'm trying to act civil so I get good pointers.

Lol, I actually for the first time just now checked how long this trip will be. Sml (fml but in Canadian language) I really better push through the first three days.

Planning going well.

Oh well. How badly can it go?
HAHAHA... what have I been telling you since last summer? I just hope you get cell reception.... yeah you should look into that, now that I think about it.

I fail to see how these aren't good pointers. I mean I've got a lake that looks like it should be in the caribbean, another lake with spots, the biggest snow tubing slide I've ever seen, a huge cliff, and a great lake (a must for you, no?).
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      08-04-2015, 03:27 PM   #17
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Glad to have you visit as we need the hard currency. Not sure though why you want to drive cross-country through Canada if you are on a tight schedule. Faster to hop on I-90 from Seattle and head east through the U.S.A. plus your radar detector is legal in 49 states.

Postal workers in Canada similar to USPS ones, if you can actually find a post office.
I'm quite sure flying would be the easiest way, but easy has never had any appeal to me. I'm going to do as I've done since I got my license and maximize the fun and see if I can make it. Wouldn't be the first time I end up in the exact opposite of where I'm aiming, so we'll see where this ends.

Your metric system is the main appeal, but I've heard stories about you guys I need to see for myself to believe.

@wah I am not bringing you any more rocks. My trunk is full.
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      08-04-2015, 04:12 PM   #18
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I'm quite sure flying would be the easiest way
You got that right. Once you are east of the Rockies the roads are basically straight and flat until you get to Ontario. But, even when you hit the Ontario border, it is still 1900km to Toronto along roads where you won't believe there can be that many spruce trees in the world.

Canada is why airplanes were invented.
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      08-04-2015, 04:18 PM   #19
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You got that right. Once you are east of the Rockies the roads are basically straight and flat until you get to Ontario. But, even when you hit the Ontario border, it is still 1900km to Toronto along roads where you won't believe there can be that many spruce trees in the world.

Canada is why airplanes were invented.
Well, if I get bored driving, I'll set up camp and go fishing. I probably won't have the time to sort out phones and other minor details before leaving so I'm gonna wing it somehow.

Dude I'm a Finn. I'm used to trees. We have 5 million people who all have the personality of a spruce. At least yours will kill me with a direct hit, and not bore me to death as they do back home.

I disagree about the airplanes too. They were actually invented for us Finns to applaud the pilot who gets us to a tourist beach we go every year to talk about how hot it is.

Driving was invented so I can get lost. Driving wins.
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      08-04-2015, 05:01 PM   #20
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Ok, have fun. There are some great wines you can get in B.C. to go with your fish. Just ask. Or, maybe you are more of a Kossu person?
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      08-04-2015, 05:10 PM   #21
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Ok, have fun. There are some great wines you can get in B.C. to go with your fish. Just ask. Or, maybe you are more of a Kossu person?
Haha, no kossu. Ever again. Some lessons you have to learn only once.

I've been mapping out a good route here thanks to you all, and it seems your country truly is worth seeing. If I only could find my damn passport and this will be a trip to forget.

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      08-04-2015, 05:12 PM   #22
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Given you only speak America, you won't be welcome in the "la belle province" where we speak the Québécois. if you make it all the way east to here, I'll gladly show you around and translate for you.

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PS: here is Montréal.
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