[NathanJT]

(well it is for me, I'm off tomorrow!)

A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Airport noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan:

"Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again,

"Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."

This time the woman turned on him,

"What the f *** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said

"Ahhhhh, Ryanair

[JLR1969]

Originally Posted by NathanJT

(well it is for me, I'm off tomorrow!)

A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Airport noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan:

"Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again,

"Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."

This time the woman turned on him,

"What the f *** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said

"Ahhhhh, Ryanair

Sorry to be a smart arse but Ryanair dont fly from Heathrow.

[NathanJT]

Originally Posted by JLR1969

Sorry to be a smart arse but Ryanair dont fly from Heathrow.

WOW! Bad day?

[themetz]

Originally Posted by JLR1969

Sorry to be a smart arse but Ryanair dont fly from Heathrow.

the joke was pretty good too!

[MOB]

Originally Posted by JLR1969

Sorry to be a smart arse but Ryanair dont fly from Heathrow.

[dar2008]

A guy in business class finds himself sitting next to a very attractive woman so he decides to start a conversation;

"So what sends you to Paris?".

"Well" she replies "I'm going to be delivering a paper at the international sex conference at the university".

The guy thinks this sounds very promising indeed;
"What particular aspect will you be talking about?" he asks whilst trying not to leer too much.

"I've been studying popular sexual myths to see whether they have any basis in fact."

"That sounds fascinating. Can you give me any examples?" he asks.

"For example, it is commonly thought that the French are the best lovers in the world, but survey after survey has shown that the Greeks are actually much more inventive and caring. Another common misconception is that men of African descent are the most well-endowed, but medical research has shown that it is in fact the native American who deserves that particular reputation."

"Anyway" she continues "we've been chatting away and I haven't even asked your name?"

The guy thinks fast;
"Tonto Popadopoulis"

[MEGA]

Originally Posted by dar2008

A guy in business class finds himself sitting next to a very attractive woman so he decides to start a conversation;

"So what sends you to Paris?".

"Well" she replies "I'm going to be delivering a paper at the international sex conference at the university".

The guy thinks this sounds very promising indeed;
"What particular aspect will you be talking about?" he asks whilst trying not to leer too much.

"I've been studying popular sexual myths to see whether they have any basis in fact."

"That sounds fascinating. Can you give me any examples?" he asks.

"For example, it is commonly thought that the French are the best lovers in the world, but survey after survey has shown that the Greeks are actually much more inventive and caring. Another common misconception is that men of African descent are the most well-endowed, but medical research has shown that it is in fact the native American who deserves that particular reputation."

"Anyway" she continues "we've been chatting away and I haven't even asked your name?"

The guy thinks fast;
"Tonto Popadopoulis"

lmao nice!

[SoYank]

Originally Posted by NathanJT

(well it is for me, I'm off tomorrow!)

A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Airport noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan:

"Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again,

"Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."

This time the woman turned on him,

"What the f *** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said

"Ahhhhh, Ryanair

Sorry to be a smart ass, too, but "something special in the air" was an American Airlines slogan. Nice joke nonetheless.

[beemerbird]

A shepherd is herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW roars towards him. The driver, a young man in a Hugo Boss suit, Gucci shoes, and Ray Bans, leans out and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?". The shepherd looks at the city slicker, then at his field full of grazing sheep and calmly answers, "Sure."

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his notebook and connects it to a cell phone, then surfs to the NASA website, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, and then opens up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sends an e-mail on his Blackberry and after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised printer, turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?". "OK, why not?" answers the young man.

"Clearly, you are a management consultant" says the shepherd. "That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business. Now give me back my dog."

[E902717]

Originally Posted by beemerbird

A shepherd is herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW roars towards him. The driver, a young man in a Hugo Boss suit, Gucci shoes, and Ray Bans, leans out and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?". The shepherd looks at the city slicker, then at his field full of grazing sheep and calmly answers, "Sure."

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his notebook and connects it to a cell phone, then surfs to the NASA website, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, and then opens up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sends an e-mail on his Blackberry and after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised printer, turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?". "OK, why not?" answers the young man.

"Clearly, you are a management consultant" says the shepherd. "That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business. Now give me back my dog."

[beemerbird]

This bloke was walking through a hotel foyer when he bumped into a woman catching her breast with his elbow.

"If your heart is as soft as your breast" he said "then I know you'll forgive me".

She replied " If your cock is as hard as your elbow I'm in room 222".





Don't tell anyone..........but am gonna go down on you and you're going to luv it, but its only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it!! Then am going to come back up again and fu*k you big time!!!!!!!!














Yours sincerely,

petrol prices.