A few jokes to lower the tone

ed335d · 01-18-2010, 10:55 AM

Boy comes home and tells his parents he has just had sex for the first time. The proud Dad says 'I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you will have to wait until next pay day'. Boy says 'That's alright Dad, my @rse is too sore to ride it anyway'

Bloke sh@gging his girlfriend says' Bend over, we'll try the social security position' 'What the hell is that ?' she says. 'When my balls touch your @rse you're getting the full benefit.

Had my first Gig as a stand-up comedian at an old people's home last night. They didn't get any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves.

What is the medical term for the fatty tissue surrounding the clitoris? .................................................. ......................The wife!

Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend says, ' How dare you call me a slapper, get out of my bed right now and take your f...ing mates with you'

I was at Tesco this afternoon, when a lady dropped dead in front of me, I felt really sorry for her - she had just bought a Bag for Life.

I'm quite worried what the kids are up to lately. Today I saw a small girl imitating the doggy position with her Barbie and Ken dolls.
I said 'You will have baby dolls if you do that.' She said 'It's OK he's doing it up her @rse'

Teacher says to little Tommy 'Why weren't you at school yesterday?' Tommy says 'My grandfather got burnt.' Teacher says 'Badly?'
Little Tommy says ' Yes, they don't f..k about at the crematorium.'

A friend of mine says he is sh@gging twins. I said “How can you tell the difference?” He said “Her brother has got a moustache!”

A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted “He's behind you!”

dxb335d · 01-18-2010, 11:39 AM

LMFAO!

Silver Shadow · 01-18-2010, 11:40 AM

willhollin · 01-18-2010, 11:52 AM

Edddd

peterg1965 · 01-18-2010, 12:00 PM

badwolf340 · 01-18-2010, 12:48 PM

pmsl

MEGA · 01-18-2010, 12:52 PM

LOL especially at the last one!

Top drawer Ed!!

beemerbird · 01-18-2010, 01:04 PM

Excellent

I'm with Mega re. the last one being very good.............memories of Brighton eh.

deletedelete · 01-18-2010, 01:30 PM

From all the uk jokes about essex girls, i assume that they are pretty slutty? lol

peterg1965 · 01-18-2010, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prowess Symphony

From all the uk jokes about essex girls, i assume that they are pretty slutty? lol

..usually blonde, stupid, can't talk properly and wear white stilettos, oh..and they like the 'jolly ol' thing'

M3-FAST · 01-18-2010, 02:57 PM

some great material there

01-18-2010, 10:55 AM	#1
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	A few jokes to lower the tone Boy comes home and tells his parents he has just had sex for the first time. The proud Dad says 'I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you will have to wait until next pay day'. Boy says 'That's alright Dad, my @rse is too sore to ride it anyway' Bloke sh@gging his girlfriend says' Bend over, we'll try the social security position' 'What the hell is that ?' she says. 'When my balls touch your @rse you're getting the full benefit. Had my first Gig as a stand-up comedian at an old people's home last night. They didn't get any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves. What is the medical term for the fatty tissue surrounding the clitoris? .................................................. ......................The wife! Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend says, ' How dare you call me a slapper, get out of my bed right now and take your f...ing mates with you' I was at Tesco this afternoon, when a lady dropped dead in front of me, I felt really sorry for her - she had just bought a Bag for Life. I'm quite worried what the kids are up to lately. Today I saw a small girl imitating the doggy position with her Barbie and Ken dolls. I said 'You will have baby dolls if you do that.' She said 'It's OK he's doing it up her @rse' Teacher says to little Tommy 'Why weren't you at school yesterday?' Tommy says 'My grandfather got burnt.' Teacher says 'Badly?' Little Tommy says ' Yes, they don't f..k about at the crematorium.' A friend of mine says he is sh@gging twins. I said “How can you tell the difference?” He said “Her brother has got a moustache!” A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted “He's behind you!” __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
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01-18-2010, 11:39 AM	#2
dxb335d The Tarmac Terrorist 949 Rep 29,345 Posts Drives: 997.2 GT3 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ''Fandango Towers'' iTrader: (3) Garage List 2010 Porsche 997.2 GT3 [9.50] 2003 BMW E46 M3 [6.00] 2007 BMW E92 335D [5.50]	LMFAO! __________________ 997.2 GT3
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01-18-2010, 11:40 AM	#3
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01-18-2010, 11:52 AM	#4
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01-18-2010, 12:00 PM	#5
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01-18-2010, 12:48 PM	#6
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01-18-2010, 12:52 PM	#7
MEGA Dieseasal 204 Rep 6,881 Posts Drives: LCI E92 335d M-Sport Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Harrow, London iTrader: (2)	LOL especially at the last one! Top drawer Ed!! __________________ Previously: 2003 Peugeot 206 1.6 8v \| 2006 E90 320d M-Sport, 19" BBS CH, Full Ice-cold JL audio install, August 2010 Total BMW 6 page feature car. \| 2003 Nissan 350Z GT Coupe 286BHP Now:2010 E92 LCI 335d M-Sport
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01-18-2010, 01:04 PM	#8
beemerbird Major General 172 Rep 7,953 Posts Drives: Merc diesel Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Yorkshire iTrader: (0) Garage List 2010 TTRS [9.00] 2007 Audi S5 [0.00] May 2007 Porsche 99 ... [0.00] March 2007 Porsche ... [0.00] Sep. 2007 E92 335d SE [0.00] July 2006 E90 330i ... [0.00]	Excellent I'm with Mega re. the last one being very good.............memories of Brighton eh.
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01-18-2010, 01:30 PM	#9
deletedelete Major General 361 Rep 5,873 Posts Drives: m Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: usa iTrader: (14) Garage List 2013 e92 M3 [0.00] 2011 e93 M3 (sold) [0.00] 2009 335xi (sold) [0.00]	From all the uk jokes about essex girls, i assume that they are pretty slutty? lol __________________ ---> Click For xi/xDrive Suspension Compatibility List <---
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01-18-2010, 02:57 PM	#11
M3-FAST Defected to the dark side..... 210 Rep 5,795 Posts Drives: BMW M5 LCi Join Date: May 2007 Location: Stafford, UK iTrader: (11) Garage List 2009 E90 M3 [10.00] 2007 325i M-sport C ... [9.00]	some great material there
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