[NYCGP]

My father spent his whole life dedicated to work. He never had any hobbies. He wasn't interested in anything outside of the business. For the last decade or so we have been trying to get him into different things. Over the last 5 years I got heavily addicted to golf. I got pretty good very quickly, and can compete in most outings/club events.

My father, seeing this as an opportunity to spend more time with me, decided to play more often and is now hooked as well. He joined a club in NY and another club down in FL. He spends most of the summer playing in NY and the winter in FL. He has worked really hard over the last year to try and get better and be competitive. However, his handicap is still over 30.

Yesterday he received a call from one of his best friends and golfing buddies. His friend received a call from the powers that be at the club and told him that he needed to speak to my father. It was unacceptable for him to play in the events with the members if he was going to remain at such a high handicap. Mind you, my father now wakes up every morning at the crack of dawn to go hit balls at the driving range. He takes lessons twice a week and buys all equipment from the club.

He is completely crushed. He is very prideful and I know this really hurt him. I feel absolutely terrible about it, because I know he is trying so hard to get better. It is just very difficult when you try and start playing at such a late stage.

I just think it is terrible that they would do this to him. He finally let his guard down and spends all his time at the club making new friends and generally enjoying the feeling of being accepted amongst people who share the same hobby. Now they are telling him he isn't "good enough" to play with them.

What do I tell him? I feel horrible.

[boymonkey]

Join a different club? Don't play competitively? Or play within his skill group?

[ACZakka325i]

He doesn't need to play the tourneys to enjoy playing at the club, right? So just play rounds with him and keep it casual. Nothing worse than playing golf with people who take it uber-siously.

I'm sure you guys can still do the father-son tourney, and that's really all you need to be entering.

Oh yea, and stop playing from the tips!

[NYCGP]

Originally Posted by boymonkey

Join a different club? Don't play competitively? Or play within his skill group?

This was the first time he put himself out there. He always thought he wasn't good enough, etc. Now he goes out everyday and sees the same guys and they all tell jokes and bullshit. He really enjoys it. They have these little events every week. They all play together in them. It's not really about who wins most of the time. It is about the participation.

They are saying he is not allowed to participate. Joining clubs is not an easy thing to do, just in case you were wondering. This club is a very difficult one to get into as it is. They of course say this to him 1 month after he pays them a large sum of money.

[Freakazoid]

I'm going down the same path as boymonkey. Is there another club, or a different skillset he can play with? Did the club themselves offer any suggestions?

[Freakazoid]

Originally Posted by NYCGP

This was the first time he put himself out there. He always thought he wasn't good enough, etc. Now he goes out everyday and sees the same guys and they all tell jokes and bullshit. He really enjoys it. They have these little events every week. They all play together in them. It's not really about who wins most of the time. It is about the participation.

They are saying he is not allowed to participate. Joining clubs is not an easy thing to do, just in case you were wondering. This club is a very difficult one to get into as it is. They of course say this to him 1 month after he pays them a large sum of money.

ahh that makes sense. Is he able to hold the money above their head possibly? (i.e. give me a refund and all my money back?) Definitely does suck.....

[MCS]

Tell him to join another club. That's BS.

Golf clubs in the northern NJ/metro NYC area are dieing off/actively recruiting new members.

I'm a 7-8 rounds a year hacker. I can keep up at any outing, but my handicap is around your dad's... 20+ Getting invited to all of the membership drives at my local clubs (some are pure cold call letters, and others come from friends of friends that belong to the clubs)

Have your father flip the club the bird and join another...

[boymonkey]

Originally Posted by NYCGP

This was the first time he put himself out there. He always thought he wasn't good enough, etc. Now he goes out everyday and sees the same guys and they all tell jokes and bullshit. He really enjoys it. They have these little events every week. They all play together in them. It's not really about who wins most of the time. It is about the participation.

They are saying he is not allowed to participate. Joining clubs is not an easy thing to do, just in case you were wondering. This club is a very difficult one to get into as it is. They of course say this to him 1 month after he pays them a large sum of money.

If it's not about who wins then I don't see his skill/handicap as a problem, so there might be more to the story than what he's been told.

He can stay in the club and play normally, but just not in the events? Then don't play in the events. He doesn't have to be part of the in-crowd to enjoy the golf. But be another member that uses the facilities.

Get his friends or relatives etc. to join as well, so he has his own group to play with regularly.

[bolinp78]

I see this as something he got into without really knowing all of the facts. As a member at a prestigious club, whether you like it or not there are standards of play, and I can tell you that in almost any circumstance a 30+ handicap is not up to the standard.

Part of the reason that many clubs remain great, exclusive places to play is that they do not let any random Joe come smack the ball around (unless they want to pay a large fee). If they had a bunch of Joes holding everyone up at the tees all of the time, the quality of play would be in the shitter. Not saying your dad is a random Joe, but lots of random Joes tend to have high handicaps.

Whether you think it's snobby or not, you have to realize that is what you are getting into when you join a club (of the assumed caliber that you are talking about). I'm only bringing this up because you volunteered that the club is hard to get into/prestigious.

Now as for what you tell him, I have no idea

[boymonkey]

Originally Posted by Freakazoid

ahh that makes sense. Is he able to hold the money above their head possibly? (i.e. give me a refund and all my money back?) Definitely does suck.....

I'd only ask for a refund if I want to burn a bridge. This doesn't sound like the kind of place that will be threatened by that, and will probably say good riddance to him.

[NYCGP]

Originally Posted by boymonkey

If it's not about who wins then I don't see his skill/handicap as a problem, so there might be more to the story than what he's been told.

He can stay in the club and play normally, but just not in the events? Then don't play in the events. He doesn't have to be part of the in-crowd to enjoy the golf. But be another member that uses the facilities.

Get his friends or relatives etc. to join as well, so he has his own group to play with regularly.

This isn't your average club. This is a club in FL that hosts PGA tour events and what not. It is extremely expensive/hard to join. It is not a local muni. The ones in the Northeast are easier to join depending on where you are. We belong to a great club in NY that is very accepting. It's just in FL that this problem arose.

There are also no refunds... so if he told them to stick it where the sun don't shine he would be losing all of that money. Also, he really loves the club and the course.

[NYCGP]

Originally Posted by bolinp78

I see this as something he got into without really knowing all of the facts. As a member at a prestigious club, whether you like it or not there are standards of play, and I can tell you that in almost any circumstance a 30+ handicap is not up to the standard.

Part of the reason that many clubs remain great, exclusive places to play is that they do not let any random Joe come smack the ball around (unless they want to pay a large fee). If they had a bunch of Joes holding everyone up at the tees all of the time, the quality of play would be in the shitter. Not saying your dad is a random Joe, but lots of random Joes tend to have high handicaps.

Whether you think it's snobby or not, you have to realize that is what you are getting into when you join a club (of the assumed caliber that you are talking about). I'm only bringing this up because you volunteered that the club is hard to get into/prestigious.

I know all of this. You are absolutely right. But he has gotten so much better over the last year. He uses the pro for lessons and spends lots of money in the pro-shop.

Originally Posted by bolinp78

Now as for what you tell him, I have no idea

He hasn't even told me about it yet. My mother called me and told me what happened. I think he is embarrassed to admit it to me. I have been so proud of his progress. I am always telling him how much better he is getting and we work on small things that make big differences, like course management. I just don't want him to lose his interest in the game. We haven't been this close in years and I base a lot of that on our shared interest.

[Feyd]

Man... that sucks.


I play golf every so often, but I really really suck... when my score gets bad and I start holding people (in my party) up I'll usually just stop swinging and take to driving the cart and heckling people with a big-ass cigar in my mouth.

For me it's about being out there when it's quiet, etc.... not about the competitiveness of the game.


Serious thought: How getting his pilots license? The owner of my company did this a couple years back and then bought a small Cessna and now flys all over the place and he really enjoys it. Then your dad can fly over the club and drop bags of dog-shit on them.

[InCityPhoto]

Originally Posted by Feyd

Man... that sucks.


I play golf every so often, but I really really suck... when my score gets bad and I start holding people (in my party) up I'll usually just stop swinging and take to driving the cart and heckling people with a big-ass cigar in my mouth.

For me it's about being out there when it's quiet, etc.... not about the competitiveness of the game.


Serious thought: How getting his pilots license? The owner of my company did this a couple years back and then bought a small Cessna and now flys all over the place and he really enjoys it. Then your dad can fly over the club and drop bags of dog-shit on them.

lol
+1

[ragingclue]

Your dad is big in the NYC garbage business.... Why doesn't he just deal with it the traditional way?

[NYCGP]

Originally Posted by ragingclue

Your dad is big in the NYC garbage business.... Why doesn't he just deal with it the traditional way?

That falls into the burning of bridges category of suggestions.

If it was the 80s or early 90s this may have been an option...

[ragingclue]

Originally Posted by NYCGP

His friend received a call from the powers that be at the club and told him that he needed to speak to my father. It was unacceptable for him to play in the events with the members if he was going to remain at such a high handicap.

Maybe there's still room to show the "powers that be" how well he's progressed and that he'll continue to show improvement. You said "if he was going to remain at such a high handicap". Just tell them he won't and fix it. Sounds like he's working on it really hard and progressing, so eventually it'll be fine. If they don't like that, make em uproot your dad themselves.

[NYCGP]

Originally Posted by ragingclue

Maybe there's still room to show the "powers that be" how well he's progressed and that he'll continue to show improvement. You said "if he was going to remain at such a high handicap". Just tell them he won't and fix it. Sounds like he's working on it really hard and progressing, so eventually it'll be fine. If they don't like that, make em uproot your dad themselves.

I think in a way they are hoping this lights a fire under him. I think a better way of handling this would have been to ask him not to participate this summer or something along those lines. He will not be playing there very much over the next few months. He plays in NY during this time.

You are right though. I am just worried that instead of using this to get better.. he gives up on it. A lot of it was based on this new veil of acceptance. Which they have now shown to be fake.

[Verbiage]

I hope I can contribute to this positively, even though I'm a black dude who knows nothing about golf.. but seeing as how your dad loves the game so much, maybe his focus should really remain with that and those whom he enjoys it with, notwithstanding the club? I know the club is a place with a label and high-standing, but is it really worth the stress of not being accepted for that reason?

[Buegie]

that really sucks...I could understand them denying him entry in the first place, if I were a scratch golfer I wouldn't want to play behind 30+ handicap people either. But they took his money and now they're trying to limit when he can play

[bolinp78]

Originally Posted by NYCGP

I know all of this. You are absolutely right. But he has gotten so much better over the last year. He uses the pro for lessons and spends lots of money in the pro-shop.



He hasn't even told me about it yet. My mother called me and told me what happened. I think he is embarrassed to admit it to me. I have been so proud of his progress. I am always telling him how much better he is getting and we work on small things that make big differences, like course management. I just don't want him to lose his interest in the game. We haven't been this close in years and I base a lot of that on our shared interest.

He needs to come to grips with what his situation is. He's just started up golf at an older age, his handicap is over 30, and he's trying to play in country club tournaments. Simply paying the club membership does not give him the right to play in their tournaments (in the eyes of the club) regardless of circumstances . That's just not how clubs work. They must maintain a standard of play. Of course I do not know the exact situation, what the specifics of the tournaments are, or anything like that, I'm speaking generally. I feel for you that he's getting better and you're bonding with him through the process, but that doesn't change what I've said.

[Wakka]

Seriously, if I quit something everytime someone told me I suck at it, or that I shouldn't bother... I wouldn't be an engineer right now. And I sure as hell wouldn't have gotten into djing as much as I have.

If your dad really loves golf, hes not going to give up and he's going to prove to them that he can play at their club.

Just keep being supportive man I don't think he's going to give up. If he wants to just tell him how much you love playing with him and you think he can do it.