Just Friends / FWB / Friend Zone...All questions here

shah269 · 05-01-2013, 11:23 AM

Can Men and Women Be "Just Friends"?

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...e-just-friends

Escape The Friend Zone: From Friend to Girlfriend or Boyfriend
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...d-or-boyfriend

Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Girlfriend or Boyfriend
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...d-or-boyfriend

KingOfJericho · 05-01-2013, 11:28 AM

Do you work for that website?

shah269 · 05-01-2013, 11:39 AM

No but I do enjoy reading Psychology articles.
My major was in engineering and i was two classes shy of having a second major in Psychology and 3 classes short in getting a third major in Sociology.
I find their articles a bit dry but very insightful. They are at a higher reading level which is nice but a bit thick to simply skim and enjoy.
Most often I find myself printing out the articles, underlining and making notes for study later.
And as I find these great articles I share them with friends and loved one.

Judge · 05-01-2013, 01:07 PM

I did not read the links yet but I'll post what I know to be correct and will then see how close my thinking is to the so-called professional.
Can Men and Women be Just Friends?
Yes, under one and only one circumstance: The man is not physically attracted to the woman or is already in a relationship. Men can be friends with women but will put a priority on their sexual needs first. If he's not getting laid then any sexual vibe he gets from a female "friend" will be a distraction and may even be used to the girl's advantage if she knows this and can get him to go to IKEA with her and assemble the couch, bookcase and TV stand she just bought. But once a man's sexual needs are satisfied and/or is in a relationship he can benefit from plutonic relationships with women. It should be noted however that a man who is sexually fulfilled is likely getting most if not all of his recreational activity on with other men. Women can more easily be friends with men because it is a simple fact that men make good friends to have. That is why so many women take advantage of "nice guys" to fulfill all the needs women have save for intimacy. And women have lots of needs that might not be getting addressed by their boyfriends. They will get angry when you counsel men on leaving the friend zone. Many women will admit thy get along better with the opposite sex and have more male friends than female friends. There's a great joke in the Family Guy Star Wars parody when Louis learns about the only other woman in the galaxy and her immediate response is: "I don’t like her!"
Escape the Friend Zone:
For men, you have to make the girl want you and nothing makes a girl want you than the fact the other girls might want you. In other words, disappear and stop being so readily available to her when she decides she wants to repaint the kitchen and you're the perfect guy to help! When she calls to ask you out to XYZ for a friendly brunch so she can complain about the rude jerk she's been sleeping with - tell her: "Thanks, but I'm meeting up with the cute girl I met on my lunch break yesterday. I didn't tell you about her?" CLICK! That will send her reeling. If she responds with: "Wow, good for you. I didn't know you were such a ladies man," casually reply: "There's a lot you don't know but I actually find your obtuseness kind of charming." CLICK! Now her mind is in overdrive. How is it that her safe, dependable emotional pillow is not available but instead is with another, possibly prettier girl? Next time she calls, don't answer. On a subsequent call or text be brief and laconic. Flirt a bit but don't give yourself away. Make her chase you. It's easier to escape the friend zone if you were never there in the first place but by rattling the comfort zone she once had with you she will hopefully begin to see a better side to you. It's not guaranteed you'll get there but women love unpredictability and excitement.
For women, put out.
Avoiding the Friend Zone:
For men, there's a lot you must do but the short and skinny is to make yourself desirable. Women love a challenge. Telling a girl you just met she's the most beautiful women ever is the worst way to kill any sexual attraction she might have had for you, yet it amazes me how many guys still approach women with this tactic as if she'll be so flattered that a guy has complimented on how hot she is. News flash: hot girls know they're hot. They're reminded of this every day when they go out in public and receive the eyeballs of every man of every age in sight. When a woman knows you're attracted to her she will size you up for friend zone material. If he thinks I'm beautiful he'll certainly let me borrow his car so I can take my shedding dog to the groomer 20 miles away. It's the aloof, not-impressed guy who has the best shot at her.
[FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']For women, put out.[/FONT]

Judge · 05-01-2013, 01:30 PM

Looks like I was pretty close. In the first article the author writes: "Men were more likely to see sex and romantic potential in an opposite sex friend as a benefit (women primarily saw it as a cost)."

That's similar to what I wrote above. Men who are not getting their sexual needs taken care of will look to their female friends for that. Women, on the other hand, have no desire to sleep with their male friends because 1) they aren't sexually attracted to traits that make men good "friends" and 2) they're likely getting their sexual needs satisfied by a boyfriend - but not the emotional, spiritual and other needs she can get from her male "friend."

The most telling part of the article: "Women also had their own unique costs and benefits of opposite-sex friendships. They were more likely to experience the benefit of their male friends paying for outings and enjoyed the physical protection of those friends (men saw these as costs of time and money). Women also enjoyed the ability to network through male friends. However, as noted above, women found it costly when those male friends desired sex or romance. They also disliked when their male friends caused difficulty in the women's other dating efforts."

In other words, male friends, know your role and stay put: pay for my dinner, let me borrow your car, help me move furniture, let me feel safe around you, help me network - but how dare you suggest we have sex! We're friends!

And on escaping the friend zone I completely nailed it. Both the author and I agree the best way is to make yourself scarce and appear uninterested. Make her jealous by attracting other women, or fake it if you can't. Women want a challenge. If you answer her call after the first ring or reply to a text within seconds of receiving hers you're only digging herself deeper into the friend zone hole.

shah269 · 05-01-2013, 01:50 PM

One day...when I get a PhD or something I really want to write a book on the psycho economics of dating in a digitally fluid society.

The world has changed fast and hard…and we are just trying to keep up. Both us guys…and looking around I see mostly dudes here are just as behind the curve as the women are. But I think women have a better grasp of it than we do at times.

Vic311 · 05-01-2013, 01:57 PM

Some things never change around here

upstatedoc · 05-01-2013, 02:38 PM

I think Billy Crystal said it all...

amanda hor$t · 05-01-2013, 05:06 PM

didn't read the thread. i'm in a selfish mode at the moment and don't really care for gfs

BossSauce · 05-01-2013, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shah269

One day...when I get a PhD or something I really want to write a book on the psycho economics of dating in a digitally fluid society.

so you will talk about your failures on dating websites?

GregTheStig · 05-01-2013, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BossSauce

so you will talk about your failures on dating websites?

With his epic vacuum collection nobody will notice.

ideliver · 05-01-2013, 10:26 PM

http://www.e90post.com/forums/showpo...8&postcount=22

grimlock · 05-02-2013, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by R Grubba Balls

didn't read the thread. i'm in a selfish mode at the moment and don't really care for gfs

That's ok, we are always here to read your crap.

Templar · 05-02-2013, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by R Grubba Balls

didn't read the thread. i'm in a selfish mode at the moment and don't really care for gfs

Lol!! Yea right...

shah269 · 05-02-2013, 08:32 AM

Actually if you take a moment and read the articles you will see that many facts we hold true in physics which translate very well into economics also work with respect to interpersonal relationships.

That and over the past year or so I’ve seen a few honest threads regarding this issue and when I saw the articles thought it would be best to share.

I myself found them to be interesting and enlightening. May you find them as insightful as I did! =)

DrivenByE30 · 05-02-2013, 08:33 AM

The Friends zone is like the impossible maze...

Once you are in, few make it out...

For those who are able to turn back and get out as soon as they realize you are inside, they dont waste their time...

For those extremely lucky to have make it on the other side, (such as myself), you are treated with the greatest rewards...

shah269 · 05-02-2013, 09:15 AM

Did you guys check the other links that are mentioned in the articles?
They are also very good reading.
It's spring time, I hope you are all out having a good time and meeting nice girls and are avoiding the friend zone.

reeltime · 05-02-2013, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrivenByE30

The Friends zone is like the impossible maze...

Once you are in, few make it out...

For those who are able to turn back and get out as soon as they realize you are inside, they dont waste their time...

For those extremely lucky to have make it on the other side, (such as myself), you are treated with the greatest rewards...

I agree completely.. Once you get into the friend zone shit's all over...unless you got skills like MacGyver.

Article makes sense tho. One time I stopped giving this girl I liked attention and she started texting me and talking to me much more often..Then my dumb ass caved right back in and started giving her more attention and then the cycle repeated. Girls are crazy man.

shah269 · 05-02-2013, 09:27 AM

Ever try the naked man?
http://www.wikihow.com/Perform-the-N...et-Your-Mother)

markham335i · 05-02-2013, 09:52 AM

just broke up with my girlfriend 3 days ago... we are going to try and be friends (dated for 6months only). Im going to use this and see if our goals are the same etc. ill let you know how it goes haha.

shah269 · 05-02-2013, 10:02 AM

Mark....
I'm sure she is a nice girl...but....maybe you should look around and maybe there are better girls out there?
It's a win win...if you go out and meet new girls...you may find one that better fits with you? And makes you smile more? But if you go out and you don't...she will still see you out and having fun and want you back.
All will be well....it's spring time!

amanda hor$t · 05-02-2013, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markham335i

just broke up with my girlfriend 3 days ago... we are going to try and be friends (dated for 6months only). Im going to use this and see if our goals are the same etc. ill let you know how it goes haha.

being friends after has never worked for me. was always just a position to talk shit and keep a claim on you. but ymmv.

05-01-2013, 11:23 AM	#1
shah269 Major 316 Rep 1,035 Posts Drives: 2009 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: NJ iTrader: (0)	Just Friends / FWB / Friend Zone...All questions here Can Men and Women Be "Just Friends"? http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...e-just-friends Escape The Friend Zone: From Friend to Girlfriend or Boyfriend http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...d-or-boyfriend Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Girlfriend or Boyfriend http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...d-or-boyfriend
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05-01-2013, 11:28 AM	#2
KingOfJericho Major General 2452 Rep 7,341 Posts Drives: Yes Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: CT iTrader: (1) Garage List 2010 135i Coupe [5.26]	Do you work for that website? __________________ The views and opinions expressed in this post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Bimmerpost. 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee High Altitude Hemi \| 2010 S4 Sold \| 2010 BMW 135i Retired \| 2006 Lotus Exige Sold
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05-01-2013, 11:39 AM	#3
shah269 Major 316 Rep 1,035 Posts Drives: 2009 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: NJ iTrader: (0)	No but I do enjoy reading Psychology articles. My major was in engineering and i was two classes shy of having a second major in Psychology and 3 classes short in getting a third major in Sociology. I find their articles a bit dry but very insightful. They are at a higher reading level which is nice but a bit thick to simply skim and enjoy. Most often I find myself printing out the articles, underlining and making notes for study later. And as I find these great articles I share them with friends and loved one.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-01-2013, 01:07 PM	#4
Judge First Lieutenant 38 Rep 395 Posts Drives: 135i Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: FL iTrader: (0)	I did not read the links yet but I'll post what I know to be correct and will then see how close my thinking is to the so-called professional. Can Men and Women be Just Friends? Yes, under one and only one circumstance: The man is not physically attracted to the woman or is already in a relationship. Men can be friends with women but will put a priority on their sexual needs first. If he's not getting laid then any sexual vibe he gets from a female "friend" will be a distraction and may even be used to the girl's advantage if she knows this and can get him to go to IKEA with her and assemble the couch, bookcase and TV stand she just bought. But once a man's sexual needs are satisfied and/or is in a relationship he can benefit from plutonic relationships with women. It should be noted however that a man who is sexually fulfilled is likely getting most if not all of his recreational activity on with other men. Women can more easily be friends with men because it is a simple fact that men make good friends to have. That is why so many women take advantage of "nice guys" to fulfill all the needs women have save for intimacy. And women have lots of needs that might not be getting addressed by their boyfriends. They will get angry when you counsel men on leaving the friend zone. Many women will admit thy get along better with the opposite sex and have more male friends than female friends. There's a great joke in the Family Guy Star Wars parody when Louis learns about the only other woman in the galaxy and her immediate response is: "I don’t like her!" Escape the Friend Zone: For men, you have to make the girl want you and nothing makes a girl want you than the fact the other girls might want you. In other words, disappear and stop being so readily available to her when she decides she wants to repaint the kitchen and you're the perfect guy to help! When she calls to ask you out to XYZ for a friendly brunch so she can complain about the rude jerk she's been sleeping with - tell her: "Thanks, but I'm meeting up with the cute girl I met on my lunch break yesterday. I didn't tell you about her?" CLICK! That will send her reeling. If she responds with: "Wow, good for you. I didn't know you were such a ladies man," casually reply: "There's a lot you don't know but I actually find your obtuseness kind of charming." CLICK! Now her mind is in overdrive. How is it that her safe, dependable emotional pillow is not available but instead is with another, possibly prettier girl? Next time she calls, don't answer. On a subsequent call or text be brief and laconic. Flirt a bit but don't give yourself away. Make her chase you. It's easier to escape the friend zone if you were never there in the first place but by rattling the comfort zone she once had with you she will hopefully begin to see a better side to you. It's not guaranteed you'll get there but women love unpredictability and excitement. For women, put out. Avoiding the Friend Zone: For men, there's a lot you must do but the short and skinny is to make yourself desirable. Women love a challenge. Telling a girl you just met she's the most beautiful women ever is the worst way to kill any sexual attraction she might have had for you, yet it amazes me how many guys still approach women with this tactic as if she'll be so flattered that a guy has complimented on how hot she is. News flash: hot girls know they're hot. They're reminded of this every day when they go out in public and receive the eyeballs of every man of every age in sight. When a woman knows you're attracted to her she will size you up for friend zone material. If he thinks I'm beautiful he'll certainly let me borrow his car so I can take my shedding dog to the groomer 20 miles away. It's the aloof, not-impressed guy who has the best shot at her. [FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']For women, put out.[/FONT] __________________ 2008 135i JB: Stage I Performance Tune, Performance Spoiler, Performance Exhaust, Performance Suspension, Breyton GTS-R wheels.
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05-01-2013, 01:30 PM	#5
Judge First Lieutenant 38 Rep 395 Posts Drives: 135i Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: FL iTrader: (0)	Looks like I was pretty close. In the first article the author writes: "Men were more likely to see sex and romantic potential in an opposite sex friend as a benefit (women primarily saw it as a cost)." That's similar to what I wrote above. Men who are not getting their sexual needs taken care of will look to their female friends for that. Women, on the other hand, have no desire to sleep with their male friends because 1) they aren't sexually attracted to traits that make men good "friends" and 2) they're likely getting their sexual needs satisfied by a boyfriend - but not the emotional, spiritual and other needs she can get from her male "friend." The most telling part of the article: "Women also had their own unique costs and benefits of opposite-sex friendships. They were more likely to experience the benefit of their male friends paying for outings and enjoyed the physical protection of those friends (men saw these as costs of time and money). Women also enjoyed the ability to network through male friends. However, as noted above, women found it costly when those male friends desired sex or romance. They also disliked when their male friends caused difficulty in the women's other dating efforts." In other words, male friends, know your role and stay put: pay for my dinner, let me borrow your car, help me move furniture, let me feel safe around you, help me network - but how dare you suggest we have sex! We're friends! And on escaping the friend zone I completely nailed it. Both the author and I agree the best way is to make yourself scarce and appear uninterested. Make her jealous by attracting other women, or fake it if you can't. Women want a challenge. If you answer her call after the first ring or reply to a text within seconds of receiving hers you're only digging herself deeper into the friend zone hole. __________________ 2008 135i JB: Stage I Performance Tune, Performance Spoiler, Performance Exhaust, Performance Suspension, Breyton GTS-R wheels.
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05-01-2013, 01:50 PM	#6
shah269 Major 316 Rep 1,035 Posts Drives: 2009 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: NJ iTrader: (0)	One day...when I get a PhD or something I really want to write a book on the psycho economics of dating in a digitally fluid society. The world has changed fast and hard…and we are just trying to keep up. Both us guys…and looking around I see mostly dudes here are just as behind the curve as the women are. But I think women have a better grasp of it than we do at times.
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05-01-2013, 01:57 PM	#7
Vic311 Banned 42 Rep 1,463 Posts Drives: 2011 e92 M3 Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: NY iTrader: (0)	Some things never change around here
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05-01-2013, 02:38 PM	#8
upstatedoc I'll get back to you 7562 Rep 2,132 Posts Drives: blue streak Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: not downstate iTrader: (2)	I think Billy Crystal said it all... __________________ 2018 Stinger GT 2009 E90 N51 /Active Autowerke Stage 2 tune/BMW Performance Exhaust/ Countermeasure enthusiast.
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05-01-2013, 05:06 PM	#9
amanda hor$t Banned 84 Rep 208 Posts Drives: a380 Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: ny ny iTrader: (0)	didn't read the thread. i'm in a selfish mode at the moment and don't really care for gfs
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05-01-2013, 10:26 PM	#12
ideliver Major 240 Rep 1,247 Posts Drives: E60 M5, E71 X6M, E46 M3 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: At the gas station iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 BMW E46 M3 'vert [0.00] 2008 BMW M5 [0.00] 2011 BMW E92 [0.00] 2012 BMW X6M [0.00] 2003 E46 M3 [0.00]	http://www.e90post.com/forums/showpo...8&postcount=22 __________________ Current: 2006 E46 M3 'vert 6-sp 2008 E60 M5, 2011 E92 328 6-sp, 2011 E70 N55, 2012 E71 X6M
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05-02-2013, 08:32 AM	#15
shah269 Major 316 Rep 1,035 Posts Drives: 2009 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: NJ iTrader: (0)	Actually if you take a moment and read the articles you will see that many facts we hold true in physics which translate very well into economics also work with respect to interpersonal relationships. That and over the past year or so I’ve seen a few honest threads regarding this issue and when I saw the articles thought it would be best to share. I myself found them to be interesting and enlightening. May you find them as insightful as I did! =)
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05-02-2013, 08:33 AM	#16
DrivenByE30 Brigadier General 592 Rep 3,870 Posts Drives: '12 F30 Lux 335i 6MT Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: OC - SoCal iTrader: (0)	The Friends zone is like the impossible maze... Once you are in, few make it out... For those who are able to turn back and get out as soon as they realize you are inside, they dont waste their time... For those extremely lucky to have make it on the other side, (such as myself), you are treated with the greatest rewards... __________________ all 3 are MT > F30 Luxury 335i 6MT- The dream driven... _..._4/12/12 ED trip MASSIVE photo thread here <<<
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05-02-2013, 09:15 AM	#17
shah269 Major 316 Rep 1,035 Posts Drives: 2009 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: NJ iTrader: (0)	Did you guys check the other links that are mentioned in the articles? They are also very good reading. It's spring time, I hope you are all out having a good time and meeting nice girls and are avoiding the friend zone.
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05-02-2013, 09:27 AM	#19
shah269 Major 316 Rep 1,035 Posts Drives: 2009 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: NJ iTrader: (0)	Ever try the naked man? http://www.wikihow.com/Perform-the-N...et-Your-Mother)
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05-02-2013, 09:52 AM	#20
markham335i Lieutenant 61 Rep 540 Posts Drives: 07 335i Join Date: May 2010 Location: Toronto, Markham iTrader: (0)	just broke up with my girlfriend 3 days ago... we are going to try and be friends (dated for 6months only). Im going to use this and see if our goals are the same etc. ill let you know how it goes haha. __________________ Upgrades: <Cobb V3, DCI, BMS downpipes, ER charge pipe, Forge DV, bbs ch-r, 30%tint all around, bmw performance exhaust, umnitza V4 angel eyes>.....Next upgrades (I would like):intercooler, BBK, turbo upgrade....etc....
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05-02-2013, 10:02 AM	#21
shah269 Major 316 Rep 1,035 Posts Drives: 2009 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: NJ iTrader: (0)	Mark.... I'm sure she is a nice girl...but....maybe you should look around and maybe there are better girls out there? It's a win win...if you go out and meet new girls...you may find one that better fits with you? And makes you smile more? But if you go out and you don't...she will still see you out and having fun and want you back. All will be well....it's spring time!
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